Happy misanthropist day!

Do you ever have one of those days where you don't want to see anybody you know? Where being in a public place, like a cafeteria, cafe, or any other place where you may find people you know disturbs you? 

Well...today I am suffering from misanthropy. I want to just focus on my things and get them done and carry along with my little routine without having to say hi to people or hold awkward conversations. Oh yes, gotta love those moments when you cross someone on your path that you kind of know but not really and then you don't know whether you should say hi to them or not and then you just end up awkwardly staring at each other. LOVE those moments! 

This would be a misanthropist's nightmare: 

I just want to completely avoid that today...but is it because I'm not wearing makeup? Or is it simply that I'm not in the mood to test my confidence? Because it seems like interacting with people is a constant test of your confidence...and I am a pretty confident person but doesn't testing your confidence constantly get tiring sometimes? I admire those that are so outgoing that they find interacting with people easy. Like children! Gosh how I wish I was a kid again to not care so much about what people think of me or how I am portraying myself and who it is that I want to be. I think that is why I have misanthropist kind of days every now and then...because I just simply don't have my mind straightened out on who I want to be yet and it's kind of hard to portray something you are not sure about to people...who knows. 

For now I guess I will continue to sip on my vitamin water and hope that I can tune out everyone that is around me until I find a way to get back out of my misanthropist day.

Trust

I have come to realize that trust is something that people either have too much or too little of...in my case I have very little. Having too much trust is very dangerous and since I'm afraid the median is not enough to balance out my fear of being UNAPPRECIATED, I tend to have very little.

Having too much trust can make you vulnerable to those who know how to abuse it...it makes you confused and not understand how it is that people don't appreciate you as much as you appreciate them. 

And yet, having too little trust can deprive you of having people trust you in return...we also don't tend to think about what comes along with trust, like affection, respect, admiration, or even love. 

I think that usually for trust to be fully functional, it has to have one of those other complementary feelings with it. You can't trust someone without feeling some level of respect for them, and chances are that if you don't have some affection or like for that person, you won't be very motivated to trust them. 

To me, there is no one I can trust more than my family. Friends have come and gone too many times for me to feel like I can trust someone 100% out of friendship, and in relationships it has been the same. 

Trust comes with time...but trust is a scary, evil state. How many times hasn't someone trusted someone their entire lives and found out in the end that they had been deceived and taken advantage of all along?

Understanding to not be understood

Yesterday I was watching an episode of GR∑∑K and there is a scene where one of the girls is having a lot of problems with her family and her boyfriend suggests to forget them by just partying and having fun. This, however, was not the kind of support she was needing at the moment so she realizes that she would rather break up with her boyfriend because he is not what she is missing that aspect of the relationship and deep down they have known that they are not really meant for each other all along.   Here my friend said, "That is not fair! It's not his fault that he doesn't know how to handle her problems and how to give her the best support," which is true but...

I have been in those kinds of situations where my family has been going through many issues and other people don't really know how to react or how to give you advice. It's hard when you can't really talk to your friend about it because they won't understand, but it's even harder when you are in a relationship with someone and they don't know how to give you the kind of help you need. In those kinds of situations you don't really have the patience or the room to be "considerate" with others for not knowing what it feels like to be in your shoes, and even though it sounds kind of mean there is in some sense a moment where you understand that you will not be understood. So you step back and away, and deal with your own problems by yourself. 

Also, being in a relationship with someone is a lot about support, so if they can't give it to you then why be in the relationship with them? I agree with this girl's decision. Yes, it's not people's fault when they don't know how to give you support, but it's important for them to know and respect that you need to step away and find that help elsewhere. 

Need a self-esteem boost?

I just got back from a fun-filled mardi gras weekend where unfortunately the rain did NOT prevent the loyal partyers from hitting bourbon street and getting some hand grenades and hurricanes (to the dismay of the religious protesters). But how does this tie into self-esteem? Well no, you don't have to expose your merchandise to be bombarded with pick-up lines and declarations of true love, which is probably the best part of it all! And no, it is not because they were intoxicated with alcohol that they decided you were good-looking. There's a saying in Spanish: "drunk people never lie" and it's because alcohol doesn't make people lie, instead it makes them more comfortable blurting out what they are thinking. 

I think that is why sometimes we are in need of going out to parties and events such as mardi gras, because we want to feel better about ourselves; and we want to relax and have fun as well of course. But events like these make us feel empowered and able to go back to the day-to-day routine with a new confidence. Mardi gras may not be the best place to get a self-esteem boost, but it sure did seem like a lot of people enjoyed receiving all of those beads.

Ma'am or Miss?

This morning I went to a little coffee cart we have here at my university and purchased the essentials of the morning rush...muffin and coffee. Then I was subtly pierced by the "thank you ma'am" I received accompanied by my card. I thought, "well no big, she probably just said it out of habit..." To my surprise, however, the girl behind me goes through the same little process and receives a "thank you miss..." 

Woah.

Now that sends up a red flag...I guess I looked more grown up today? Or maybe the cashier realized it was silly to be calling young female students "ma'ams"...Who knows. 

What I came to realize though, with a bang, was that I am growing up...(Peter Pan where are youu!?) I looked at myself and became self-conscious with what I was wearing and the fact that I even had a little bit of makeup on. What happened? Everything has been moving so fast lately that I have not stopped and taken a look at where I am and how that is different from who I used to be. This moment made me realize that it's important to stop for a second and think whether or not you are in the track that you want to be in. I also realized that it's important to appreciate and learn from the fact that the place where you are at right now is incredibly unexpected from what you imagined a few years ago, BECAUSE this teaches you that no matter where you think you want to be, you might end up somewhere completely different and you might end up doing something incredibly more awesome...at least that is what happened to me. I need to learn to not worry so much about what the future will look like but instead worry to make sure that the things that I am doing in the present are the things that will carry me to a better future. 

Wow, so disregarding your unappreciated comment coffee lady, I want to say thank you :]