Sharpies can be intimidating...but you have to risk it to leave a mark

It all started with a picture...it was Christmas and I had bought a cheap little kodak digital camera back when they made them the size of half a brick. I was walking around the park with my brother and my mom, and I had been taking pictures just for fun because I was starting to really get into photography. My brother decided to throw a fit and he sat on his knees in a moment when the sun was just starting to go down. I couldn't resist the poised and concentrated look on his face and the way the shadow seemed to project how grandiose he will grow up to be in the future.

In high school I started getting into some photography classes...but I had always been in art. We got a new assignment and although I was afraid about whether or not I would be able to pull it off, I risked it and decided to draw my favorite picture I have ever taken...

I realized that I had a way with sharpies and paper and honestly I love the way this technique creates an illusion in your eyes, just as Rembrandt discovered early in his career. He is one of my favorite artists and this is one of my favorite ways to draw. I think the shapes that I have loved using the most are smiley faces and little stick figures because then people get up close to the drawing and they start laughing.

When I draw these I really do get the feeling of "Flow" that Mihály Csíkszentmihályi describes in his approach in psychology. In fact, it is so strong that I will spend the whole day drawing and I will finish the drawing in one day!

Believe it or not this one of Charlie Chaplin took me one day! And people always ask me how long it takes me but I don't want to sound like I'm bragging when I say the truth. But yes, this only happens when I have nothing else to do...and when I am throwing in a little bit of procrastination into the inspiration.

Pounding in my chest

Last night I had such a powerful dream that it shocked me when I woke up to actually feel the dampness around my eyes. I hadn't had one of those dreams in a long time and in reality it wasn't even that meaningful.

To make it relatively short...I will start at the point where I was in the car with two of my cousins. They got out to go buy a movie ticket or something of the sort and I stayed in the car. Suddenly two men got into the car and started threatening me, saying they were going to kidnap me. I told them I had money in dollars (which are really hard to find in Venezuela right now) and that if they wouldn't kidnap me I would give it to them. They started driving but I decided that it was not a good idea for them to know where I lived so I told them to drop me off at the police station that we were passing. I threw the money at them and got out of the car running towards where the police chief was. I saw my grandmother there because she had been worried about me and I began crying and telling the police that I had been kidnapped. 

For some reason he refused to believe me and I got extremely frustrated and told him I just wanted him to take me home with my grandmother. He told me he had to open an investigation and he made us all go back to the places I had been before I was kidnapped to check if people had seen me. Finally after going through all of that he realized it was true and he took my grandmother and me home. In the car I turned around and touched my grandmother's knee crying saying how glad I was that she was there. 

And then I woke up.

So yes...apparently I have some issues with feeling threatened or something of the sort. 

This dream, however, made me realize even more how strongly my grandmother evokes those feelings of safety and comfort for me. She used to take care of me all the time when I was little, and honestly adoring her is short of what I feel for her. Recently she has been relatively ill and being so far away has made it really hard for me, but I stay so busy all of the time that I get these sudden moments as reminders that I need to take advantage of her presence because it is golden for me.

TGV (Train à Grande Vitesse)

One of the greatest things about Europe is how advanced and practical their public transportation is. It is just amazing to be able to travel through more than 10 different countries in a simple train ride. And to think! Europe is not even the size of the United States! SO why the heck do we not have a train system?? I mean, it is the United States, a country that had managed to launch a spaceship to land on the moon for crying out loud! So why can't we have a better transportation system? 

Specially in Texas...wouldn't it be awesome to say that you could travel down to Austin, San Antonio, or Houston in less than 2 hours? I know it would make a lot of people's lives easier...at least those people that have to travel down to Houston to get their visas at the many different consulates residing there. I have friends that say it is even cheaper to fly to Mexico than it is to fly to Houston or El Paso right now, isn't that crazy? 

Well, the point is we need better transportation...and honestly Texas is not living up to its standards with this lack of facility and specially the war against rising price of gas.

There is hope, however, according to wikipedia "In February 2009, as part of the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act (ARRA), Congress allocated $8 billion to be granted to states for intercity rail projects, with "priority to projects that support the development of intercity high speed rail service."^[23]

^{I hope they do this soon so that I can actually enjoy it in my lifetime...} 

So close

Apparently a friend of mine got to touch a squirrel recently...but it was only with her foot so, not as great as it sounds. There are so many squirrels here at SMU that it makes spring one the of funnest times of the year to walk around campus. They are simply everywhere. The best part is that they don't seem to mind the people. One time I got so close to one that I took this picture:

So now another friend of mine as well as my jealous self are on the mission to touch a squirrel before we graduate.

These furry friends really add something to SMU. It kind of gives the campus more of a personality and a sense of life. I love walking to class in the morning (sometimes very sleepy) and seeing that these little creatures have long been working hard digging the little holes you see everywhere in the ground to find or hide their acorns. It kind of motivates me to be outside too. Sometimes I just like to sit on one of the benches and watch them because they are pretty funny to see eating so rapidly with their little hands.

Another thing is that they bring in all sort of other animal life into the campus. One time there were these enormous hawks hunting them down (which was sad) on the boulevard and it was simply amazing to see their 3-foot wing span. So, why watch the discovery channel when you can see nature and animals fighting for survival right outside of your dorm?

Drugs and Bradley Cooper

If you haven't gone by to check out the movie Limitless you should definitely do so soon. It is an awesome action film about a simply badass drug that falls into the hands of a man who is smart enough to learn how to use it. The artistic development of the film was also pretty cool considering how vividly the audience could visualize the effects of the drug along with the characters.

 

Oh yes...I wish

At the same time though, (and I will try not to spoil the movie) I couldn't help but wonder when I walked out of the movie theater, what the ethical implications were...because is there not a drug problem in the world? This movie honestly would motivate anyone vulnerable enough to go try a drug. And it would be awesome to have a drug in existence that would optimize your performance, but as of now we know that drugs only do so temporarily and then in the end they kill you prematurely.

I think it's alarming to notice the immense quantity of people that at the very least smoke pot in the United States...and I don't mean to be critical of the country, but it is fact that in at least my country the usage of drugs is not as common among the middle and upper class as it is here.

For example, here in the United States it would be perfectly common to say that you had at least tried marijuana in high school or college. In Venezuela it is not. In fact even my uncle's that party the most or have the most money have never even seen what it looks like. I have also talked to several other friends from Mexico and other latin countries and none of them have ever even tried it...however, I can say that about 50% of the friends that I have from the United States have at least tried it.

Regardless of your views of drugs...I think it is still important to notice these differences and honestly it does worry me a little bit. There is a reason why it has not been legalized and it always boils down to money and corruption. I think its also funny to see when in high schools here in the United States they have drug-free weeks and other educational programs like that, while in Venezuela at least we never had any such thing. Maybe in Venezuela it is less common because of the different values there are...because people in Venezuela will banish you or stigmatize you if you have any relations to drugs (and yes maybe we do cultivate it but the money is made from selling it to other countries like the US). Here it is more accepted and people are generally more open to it.

Serendipity

Serendipity is one of my favorite words in the dictionary.

According to Dictionary.com:

ser·en·dip·i·ty

/ˌsɛrənˈdɪpɪti/ Show Spelled[ser-uhn-dip-i-tee] Show IPA

–noun

1. an aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident.

2. good fortune; luck: the serendipity of getting the first job she applied for.

---

Origin:
1754; Serendip  + -ity;  Horace Walpole so named a faculty possessed by the heroes of a fairy tale called The Three Princes of Serendip

—Related forms

ser·en·dip·it·er, ser·en·dip·i·tist, ser·en·dip·per, noun

There is also a movie called Serendipity and even though it is one of those chick-flick types that I find too predictable and repetitive sometimes, I can say it is one of my favorites and it is worth seeing. 

There is a reason for my madness, though. The reason I like this term so much is because of the experiences I have had that have hit me in the face so many times as a sense of destiny. 

Last semester for example I had an account balance of over $2,000 that I did not know how I was going to pay. After serveral months of seeking out resources and talking with my financial advisor, my family tried coming up with as many resources as possible until in the end the only solution was a credit card. When I logged into the system to make my payment the card was not accepted because it was Visa. Apparently my university does not accept payments from Visa credit cards, which at that moment infuriated me and I wondered...Who the heck does not take Visa? Seriously!? 

On the verge of tears and frustration I went to see my advisor one last time to tell him that I would have to drop out of the school because there was no way to come up with the money...My mom was declined for a loan and there just seemed to be no solution. As I sat in front of my advisor depressed and exploring the possibilities of life in other colleges, he checked the computer one last time to see what could be done. 

Suddenly, he discovered that my mom's income had been counted as double of what she makes, making my financial aid lower than it usually was. He shook his head and apologized for the mental insanity he had provoked inside of me for all of this time, and with a hint of a smile said that the university now owed me $700. I simply could not believe it.

So where does serendipity step in?? 

If SMU had not been weird and accepted the credit card, I would have never gone to talk again with my advisor and not only that, but the interest rates would have been a bit high so in the end I would have been paying a lot more money. The best part was the extra cash I recovered of course! 

So yes, serendipity I am a fan...and this is just one example of the several cases where you have showed me you are around. 

I also read this book called The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho this Christmas break and it has a beautiful story about destiny which teaches you a few things about living your life. Maybe that's why I tend to be so reflective and intense about these topics sometimes. But nonetheless I think that destiny is a funny and interesting topic because regardless of your religion or beliefs...it always seems to show up and bite you to remind you that you don't have all the control.  

Chocolate commotion

Today was my friend's birthday and we went to her favorite restaurant: BJ's

(Just as a side note...I know this is not good for me to be thinking but doesn't anybody else feel a little awkward with the allusion that name makes to other terms? Who comes up with these restaurant names seriously, without thinking it might be related to another inappropriate version of Twin Peaks or Hooters? And they seem to be everywhere too nowadays, but of course they must be making money.)

One of the best things on their menu are the desserts of course. Who doesn't love that Triple Chocolate Pizookie® Made with Ghirardelli®!!

It was the first time I tried it and chocolate heaven was were I was for those brief 15 minutes. I just have to say whoever came up with the idea of a freshly baked cookie with an ice cream scoop on top was a dessert GOD. And of course being a girl I am plainly justified in choosing so much chocolate at one time because I can blame it on those monthly visits. I am one of those people that just loves chocolate though, ever since I was little I have loved dark chocolate. My mom gave me a big bar of dark chocolate one time for my birthday and in another opportunity I even went to a cocoa farm where they had cocoa trees. They are not that good when you eat them by themselves though...

I noticed however, that there is a side effect to this fabulous dessert, and that is intense energy. I am now so high on sugar and energy that I can't go to sleep.

Just a bird or something more?

I have always been fascinated by hummingbirds and I think they deserve to have a section of my blog to be commemorated for their amazing qualities...there seems to be something magical about them when you see them...If I could put hummingbirds in a mind map I would think of grace, vitality, humor, intensity, exotic, magic.

I found this video on youtube: 

 

It's amazing to think that we have the technology now to capture that action, every time I see a hummingbird I just like to hear the hum of their wings batting together because it's so intense. We always think of hummingbirds because of how fast their wings flap, but these are also a few facts I found that are the reason I like these birds so much...

• Hummingbirds are considered symbols of love, renovation, and youth. 
• The Mayans and Aztecs used them to depict fertilization and ecstasy in many of their expressions of art, and they are also used as the symbol of the God of War, Huitzilopochtli. 
• "The most astonishing quality of hummingbirds is their ability to broadcast color. Hummingbirds radiate like hot coals in the sun. The color that reaches your eye is created by pigment, which absorbs some colors and rejects others. Like soap bubbles, hummingbird's color comes from iridescence, not pigment. It winks on and off, depending on the light source and the angle of the viewer. This allows hummingbirds to flash colors or hide them which is useful for males who want to impress females or threaten other males." www.humming-birds.com

Wouldn't it be awesome to radiate colors to attract or intimidate others?? What I like the most about the hummingbird is the fact that it is so distinguishable and different from all of the other birds and I use it as a reminder of all of those positive things in life. It's so chirpy and full of vitality that it almost contaminates you with happiness.

 If I was courageous enough to do it this would be an awesome tattoo to get.  

One of my greatest accomplishments

Many times when you decide to take on a challenge, you have people telling you that you can't do it or that the possibilities are very slim...and I think that because of this we get scared and then we don't take the risk of doing it.

One time this happened to me was last spring break when I decided I wanted to go to Guatemela with a group of my friends only 3 weeks in advance, with an expired passport, and a $0.00 account balance.

This event in my life is proof to me that ANYTHING I set my mind to, I can do with a little creativity and luck.

How did I do it?

Well, the Guatemala triumph, as I like to call it...

All started when my friend invited me and a group of others to stay at his house in Guatemala City, Guatemala, where we would be assured of room and board for the trip at least. My first reaction was to reject the idea because I am not one of those fortunate people who can travel any time I please. With a single mom and most of my college education being paid by the government, going on a trip to another country for only a week was a joke. But then I thought about it...

If I worked a certain amount of time and managed to recruit some funds from several aunts and uncles...this whole trip idea might be a faint possibility. But then there was the passport situation. Since I am not a U.S. citizen I would have to travel to Houston in order to renew my passport, and not only that, but I would also have to make an appointment which usually took 3 months to get approved. 

Here is where that little bit of luck played a part...my mom called the embassy nonstop for several days (because she too had been needing to get her passport renewed) and to make a long story short we got an appointment for the next week. I remember sitting in the Houston mall with my mom and my passport permit thinking I have 2 weeks...there is no way I can find the money that quickly. My mom laughed happily, feeling so sure that I would never be able to do it and venture myself into an unknown country with a reputation for danger. 

I did the math over and over again and there was that small possibility still biting at my stomach with anxiety. I even thought about going door to door, asking for a dollar. (50 doors per day for 2 weeks makes $707).

So, I closed my eyes and plunged into the adventure...my aunts and uncles all pitched in about $100-$300 dollars each, even my mom helped. I worked extra hours and in the end of the 2 weeks I was sitting on an airport chair next to my friends waiting to be called on board. 

From this experience I learned A LOT. Now, when I face a challenge I try not to let the FEAR intimidate me. I learned that if you want something bad enough...destiny will conspire in our favor.

o destino conspira a nosso favor

Grammar

I hate it...

I have been taking French classes for the last two years and even though I have been conjugating verbs all of this time and learning vocabulary...I can still say that I know nothing about the grammar. I get all the verbs confused and I hate having to sit and think about how I am going to talk when I'm trying to practice. I love languages though (that is why I am a foreign language major)  and I can say that it's pretty easy for me to learn them quickly, but I think it's the way I learn the languages that is different. 

Honestly, I don't think that learning verb conjugation is the best way to start. Maybe instead, like small children, we have to learn how the language sounds and the patterns of it. Then, we can learn WHY it is structured the way it is structured...Kids are not taught what is the imperfect or the conditional, they just talk and get corrected constantly and listen and store more and more information in their memory. Laaater they go to school and learn the dreaded rules.

For that reason I will be immersing myself in France very soon and battling it out the tough way. That is the way I learned English so I'm trying the same method for French.

That is something the modern linguists would agree with.

Get it stuck in your head: "I don't feel like doing anything"

Today I was looking for this video of Bruno Mars' new song..."The lazy song" because it really hit me one weekend by surprise that this song was on the radio and I loved the fact that it celebrated unproductivity. I feel like we are constantly told that we have to be active, healthy, hurry, be on time, move, RUN, play, be involved, do as many things as possible...well its even tiring just to say that sentence.  What's wrong with being lazy every now and then? In fact it has been proven that people with too much stress are more easily targeted by pathogens with the potential to make you sick, since your immune system gets weakened (fatigue). So it's good to have your lazyness.

So yes...I have been feeling like I don't want to do anything. 

At least I am in college and I get to have 3 months of vacation to recuperate from all the stress...but what will happen later when I get out into the oh, so cliche "real world"?  I am determined to have at least one day a month where I just enjoy not doing anything...(hope that works)

Smell

I love the smell of TIC TACS. The sweet subtle hint of sugar and almost no trace of mint really because that is hidden underneath. But not just any tic tacs...it's the smell of the white ones. Don't get me wrong though...I don't go around sniffing tic tacs that would just be weird. You just open the box and as you hold it close to your face to rip that adhesive paper that keeps it closed, a WAFT of air pops out and you feel a hint of that smell at the tip of your nose. Do I love tic tacs themselves? Well not like crazy obsessed love, but how is it possible to not like them? 

So why? Why tic tacs? I don't know...that smell gives me some sort of comfort that I can't explain. It flashes me back to the days when I was little and I can remember going in to a store and my parents would buy me a little box of tic tacs. Then I would eat them in the car, or sometimes just as I walked holding my mom's hand on the streets of my city. Sometimes it also gives me a feeling of some memory from my childhood that I can't remember and I guess I like the mystery of it because my childhood is very shady in my mind...I don't really remember a lot of it. So the tic tac smell reminds me of a feeling of content happiness.

And in general smells are very powerful...even though we may not think about it. 

I always like to ask people "what is your favorite smell?" instead of the same old "what is your favorite color?" but I think it's really just so that I can show off my absolutely delicious and perfectly unique favorite smell. Smells have a way of associating themselves to people, to memories, and to feelings. That perfume that she always wears, or that food that you ate everyday, and that place where they check your teeth, your grandmother, your ex boyfriend, excited, scared, happy.

 

And of course...you know that I just made you really curious and you want to go buy some tic tacs and smell them.

Missing my family

As I recently watched Modern Family, I noticed that Hispanics are stereotyped to be people who have intense family values as well as moral values in everything they apply to life. Being from Venezuela has definitely sunk deep into my blood some of those values and, ever since I moved to the United States, I feel that it's those values that have kept our family together and has allowed us to succeed. Maybe that is why we need those values and why people in the United States recognize us so well for them. Because here we accentuate those values and  sometimes exaggerate them to keep us safe from harm and to help us succeed together. 

Plaza Bolívar, Caracas, Venezuela 1940

I also come from a large Portuguese family on my paternal side of the family. My grandparents immigrated to Venezuela in the 1940's when my city was looked upon as a big boiling pot of opportunity and people ranging from France, Spain, Germany, Italy, and Portugal were fleeting their countries' wars and investing their talents in Venezuela. This side of my family also has an overwhelming amount of values and traditions where family is the most dominant factor and being together is seen as a sacred ritual that must be committed to. Holidays never go without getting together as a family, and if one of the family members has an issue, all of the others immediately jump in and provide their support if they are able to. 

So there is a common factor: IMMIGRATION.

Maybe it's custom and tradition but maybe these values are accentuated by immigration and the fact that we must all hold together in order to understand the new territory we are trying to survive in. 

These values have helped me to look at family dearly and close to my heart. I don't know where I would be without them. At the same time, however, it also makes me scared for the future because... what will I do when they are not there anymore to provide me with their support and their guidance?

So maybe these values are good...but they also make you very dependent on your family for comfort and self-assurance.

My favorite Portuguese grandmother :]
(It was too hard to find a picture with all of my Portuguese family together)

My Venezuelan family in the U.S. :]

Happy misanthropist day!

Do you ever have one of those days where you don't want to see anybody you know? Where being in a public place, like a cafeteria, cafe, or any other place where you may find people you know disturbs you? 

Well...today I am suffering from misanthropy. I want to just focus on my things and get them done and carry along with my little routine without having to say hi to people or hold awkward conversations. Oh yes, gotta love those moments when you cross someone on your path that you kind of know but not really and then you don't know whether you should say hi to them or not and then you just end up awkwardly staring at each other. LOVE those moments! 

This would be a misanthropist's nightmare: 

I just want to completely avoid that today...but is it because I'm not wearing makeup? Or is it simply that I'm not in the mood to test my confidence? Because it seems like interacting with people is a constant test of your confidence...and I am a pretty confident person but doesn't testing your confidence constantly get tiring sometimes? I admire those that are so outgoing that they find interacting with people easy. Like children! Gosh how I wish I was a kid again to not care so much about what people think of me or how I am portraying myself and who it is that I want to be. I think that is why I have misanthropist kind of days every now and then...because I just simply don't have my mind straightened out on who I want to be yet and it's kind of hard to portray something you are not sure about to people...who knows. 

For now I guess I will continue to sip on my vitamin water and hope that I can tune out everyone that is around me until I find a way to get back out of my misanthropist day.

Trust

I have come to realize that trust is something that people either have too much or too little of...in my case I have very little. Having too much trust is very dangerous and since I'm afraid the median is not enough to balance out my fear of being UNAPPRECIATED, I tend to have very little.

Having too much trust can make you vulnerable to those who know how to abuse it...it makes you confused and not understand how it is that people don't appreciate you as much as you appreciate them. 

And yet, having too little trust can deprive you of having people trust you in return...we also don't tend to think about what comes along with trust, like affection, respect, admiration, or even love. 

I think that usually for trust to be fully functional, it has to have one of those other complementary feelings with it. You can't trust someone without feeling some level of respect for them, and chances are that if you don't have some affection or like for that person, you won't be very motivated to trust them. 

To me, there is no one I can trust more than my family. Friends have come and gone too many times for me to feel like I can trust someone 100% out of friendship, and in relationships it has been the same. 

Trust comes with time...but trust is a scary, evil state. How many times hasn't someone trusted someone their entire lives and found out in the end that they had been deceived and taken advantage of all along?

Understanding to not be understood

Yesterday I was watching an episode of GR∑∑K and there is a scene where one of the girls is having a lot of problems with her family and her boyfriend suggests to forget them by just partying and having fun. This, however, was not the kind of support she was needing at the moment so she realizes that she would rather break up with her boyfriend because he is not what she is missing that aspect of the relationship and deep down they have known that they are not really meant for each other all along.   Here my friend said, "That is not fair! It's not his fault that he doesn't know how to handle her problems and how to give her the best support," which is true but...

I have been in those kinds of situations where my family has been going through many issues and other people don't really know how to react or how to give you advice. It's hard when you can't really talk to your friend about it because they won't understand, but it's even harder when you are in a relationship with someone and they don't know how to give you the kind of help you need. In those kinds of situations you don't really have the patience or the room to be "considerate" with others for not knowing what it feels like to be in your shoes, and even though it sounds kind of mean there is in some sense a moment where you understand that you will not be understood. So you step back and away, and deal with your own problems by yourself. 

Also, being in a relationship with someone is a lot about support, so if they can't give it to you then why be in the relationship with them? I agree with this girl's decision. Yes, it's not people's fault when they don't know how to give you support, but it's important for them to know and respect that you need to step away and find that help elsewhere. 

Need a self-esteem boost?

I just got back from a fun-filled mardi gras weekend where unfortunately the rain did NOT prevent the loyal partyers from hitting bourbon street and getting some hand grenades and hurricanes (to the dismay of the religious protesters). But how does this tie into self-esteem? Well no, you don't have to expose your merchandise to be bombarded with pick-up lines and declarations of true love, which is probably the best part of it all! And no, it is not because they were intoxicated with alcohol that they decided you were good-looking. There's a saying in Spanish: "drunk people never lie" and it's because alcohol doesn't make people lie, instead it makes them more comfortable blurting out what they are thinking. 

I think that is why sometimes we are in need of going out to parties and events such as mardi gras, because we want to feel better about ourselves; and we want to relax and have fun as well of course. But events like these make us feel empowered and able to go back to the day-to-day routine with a new confidence. Mardi gras may not be the best place to get a self-esteem boost, but it sure did seem like a lot of people enjoyed receiving all of those beads.

Ma'am or Miss?

This morning I went to a little coffee cart we have here at my university and purchased the essentials of the morning rush...muffin and coffee. Then I was subtly pierced by the "thank you ma'am" I received accompanied by my card. I thought, "well no big, she probably just said it out of habit..." To my surprise, however, the girl behind me goes through the same little process and receives a "thank you miss..." 

Woah.

Now that sends up a red flag...I guess I looked more grown up today? Or maybe the cashier realized it was silly to be calling young female students "ma'ams"...Who knows. 

What I came to realize though, with a bang, was that I am growing up...(Peter Pan where are youu!?) I looked at myself and became self-conscious with what I was wearing and the fact that I even had a little bit of makeup on. What happened? Everything has been moving so fast lately that I have not stopped and taken a look at where I am and how that is different from who I used to be. This moment made me realize that it's important to stop for a second and think whether or not you are in the track that you want to be in. I also realized that it's important to appreciate and learn from the fact that the place where you are at right now is incredibly unexpected from what you imagined a few years ago, BECAUSE this teaches you that no matter where you think you want to be, you might end up somewhere completely different and you might end up doing something incredibly more awesome...at least that is what happened to me. I need to learn to not worry so much about what the future will look like but instead worry to make sure that the things that I am doing in the present are the things that will carry me to a better future. 

Wow, so disregarding your unappreciated comment coffee lady, I want to say thank you :]